Posted by: Jenny | November 21, 2010

I want my mommy

Hey guys.  Since we last talked the universe took pity on me, and summer eventually ended.  Jack’s transition back could have been better and could have been worse.  Transitions are one of his challenging areas, whether it’s from coloring to dinner or an unstructured summer vacation back to school again.  School breaks are as hard on Jack as they are fun for other kids, but we made it.

His 5-year-old little sister also started preschool this fall.  She’s not doing so hot.  Long story short, Jack’s situation has effected her far more than we thought it had.  What’s disturbing on top of the typical “acting out for attention” behaviors are some habits she’s picked up that we didn’t notice.  When something doesn’t go her way, even something really small like dropping a crayon, she cries instead of saying what her problem is.  She’s basically copying the meltdowns Jack has.  Then a couple of weeks ago her teacher asked me if she has a hard time with noise.  They were practicing for their Christmas program, and they had to put Charlotte in the back row because it was too loud for her.  Her teacher basically described what she does when her brother (and thus her father and I) are having a throw down.

It seems to me half of her problem is bad habits she’s picked up, but we’ve definitely dropped the ball on discipline as well.  I think I know why.  I’m either exhausted and let her get away with anything, or I feel guilty and let her get away with anything.  I didn’t realize it, but that’s what I do.  So now I’m forcing myself to discipline her while in the back of my head holding myself responsible for the behaviors.

I’m sure it’s also hard for her to understand why Jack gets away with things that she doesn’t.  As concerned as I am for Jack’s future, I’m also concerned that she will grow up to resent her brother, and with good reason.  I keep reminding myself that Eunice Kennedy Shriver’s work with the Special Olympics was inspired by love for her own special needs sibling.

As far as Jack, we’ve made a decision to start giving him medication.  I’m not going to say which one because I don’t need lectures in the comments about it.  Trust that we’ve researched this drug and are confident it’s at least not dangerous for him.  He’s gotten to the point where he can’t focus enough at school to be taught, and at home he’s very destructive and not happy at all.  He’s also having sleep problems.  In the past if he had a rough night I’d expect him to fall asleep sometime during the day.  That’s not happening anymore.  He’s simply sleeping less.  A lot less.  It’s one thing when his autism is inconvenient for us, but it’s causing him distress now.  That’s unacceptable.  So I’m picking up his Rx on Monday afternoon and we’ll see what happens.  We’re sad that we have to take this step, but we feel it’s the right decision.

The other night my husband mentioned applying for some other jobs within his field.  He mentioned accepting one in our hometown.  I wanted to shoot him.  We’re just finally settled where we are, but the next day I started thinking about how nice it would be to be near family and friends again.  Raising a child with autism (and I assume any special need) can be very isolating, especially for someone like me that tends to keep to herself anyway.  New situations are tricky, so you tend to not do anything outside the home you don’t have to.  We have tons of people who love us and would do anything to help Jack, but they can’t.  Because they aren’t here.  Over the last year I’ve felt like we’re barely surviving.  I tell myself God won’t give me more than I can handle, but He’s really pushing it.  I’ve told Him this much.  We have a very no B.S. relationship, at least from my end.  So I started thinking maybe He’s giving me an answer.

So we’re applying for a “compassionate transfer”.  It’s something we can only do one time, and the decision will be made by a government official that doesn’t know us.  We feel like we have a decent shot at getting a “yes”, and I’ve resigned myself  to accepting a “no” as just that.  BUT I REALLY THINK IT SHOULD BE A YES.  Basically, I want my mommy.  So we’d appreciate prayers that God will seek my will 😉  We should know by February 1.  The not knowing is the hardest part for me.


Responses

  1. Jenny,

    It seems to me you have done all you can. When you have done your best and it’s not working, then a change in plans whether it’s medication or moving is just a different path forward.

    1 Cor 10: 13 bears out what you stated and believe. “No temptation has taken YOU except what is common to men. But God is faithful, and he will not let YOU be tempted beyond what YOU can bear, but along with the temptation he will also make the way out in order for YOU to be able to endure it.” That is a promise from our creator to us.

    Some say God answers prayers in funny ways. I think that they missed his answer or it wasn’t what they asked for. While folks like myself can offer moral support, practical support would certainly be a beneficial thing.

    I was there for my grandfather while he was dying from brain cancer. Some folks who were trying to be helpful were adding to the pressure, them not being convinced I couldn’t be doing more. Only prayers and support of those not being inconsiderate got me through, until my grandfather finally died.

    Offering up prayers for the best thing for the Waite family to come to pass.

  2. OMG, I feel your pain! Is it bad that I started tearing up when I was reading this? Nobody understands what I go through. Logan also takes meds, which I always feel bad about saying…I don’t know why. He cannot function at school otherwise. I also give him melatonin at night so he’ll sleep. Thank GOD for melatonin!

    I pray that you get the transfer that you need. You are very lucky to have family that is willing to help you. I just get judgement and unsolicited advice. I don’t discipline correctly, or I don’t discipline at all, or I don’t make my 10 year old help more…

    p.s.
    I’ve read that it’s not uncommon that siblings of autistic children take on some of the behaviors.

  3. Thanks, Shannon. I’m very grateful we have a supportive family. I hear about a lot of people that don’t or they have family that just does it wrong, like with bad advice, etc. It would be one thing to deal with that with friends, but what do you do with family like that? Ya’ kind of have to keep ’em.


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